Journey 2

I came to the Big City with big dreams and big expectations but realized the city is too tough to conquer.

For three months after I arrived, I scanned the Sunday papers for job openings. I have sent almost fifty resumes but with very little productivity. I made constant follow-up and have at least five job examinations and preliminary interviews and three final interviews before I was hired. There were three companies that have signified their interest but I have decided to choose the first one to confirm my appointment.

Conquering the concrete jungle

In February 20, 2004, I was accepted as a Staff Assistant here at Guaranteed Marketing Services, Inc. that is my first job in Manila. The first two weeks were the deciding time for me if I will go on or quit the job. I was not familiar with the business of Merchandising and Promotions, which are the bread and butter of the Company. I was not used to the corporate setting and the pressure that go with it. I was not familiar with the things that they are discussing because I came from a very different field, which are the academe and the creative arts. Everything was alien to me. After two weeks, I almost gave up.

During those deciding moments, I realized that if I have to survive in Manila, I have to survive GMS. I persisted and after three months, I was given a passable performance rating. I was very anxious of my every move because I wanted to show the management that they made a good decision of taking me in. Though I confess I was (still) half hearted at first, I took pain in familiarizing myself with every aspect of the Company’s operation because I need the job to survive, not much that I love the job. Meanwhile, my bosses recognized my potential and it adds a great deal to my confidence. Before I knew it, I started to love the challenge because the experience is something new to me.

I always love challenges and this job is one of those that I willingly accepted. The job opened new perspective for me (that there is actually a whole new world outside my precious shell that I used as a shield against everything different from what I used to do). It’s an entirely new experience that I realized have helped me regain my lost self-esteem after my heart breaking experience in my past jobs. When I came to the city, I was broken in heart and spirit because I felt that the last ten years of my life had been wasted. I felt I did not achieve anything concrete in those long years and my sacrifices went to nothing. I felt betrayed because the people I call my own “disowned” me. I felt scared because when I leave Tacloban, I know I will venture into a strange place where many dreams did not prosper. I was told, the city is not as hospitable as the places that I’ve been to.

Given those scenarios, I still decided for it because I felt I have nowhere to go. Deep inside, I have apprehensions but I was also excited with the prospect that I will learn new things, and places outside of my comfort zone. I used to be very emotional when it comes to the places and the people that I’ve been used to. I have been used to everything around me that I have made a strong bond with it. I cringe at the thought that I may not be able to go back to the places and would not see the people that I love to be around with. These people have known and accepted me and these are the people I tell everything about me. They know me inside out and have shared with them everything including my little triumphs and losses. I could not imagine leaving them for good. The thought scared me.

Leaving though did not come to my mind overnight. I have long planned it because I have long decided that I have to proceed with this journey called life. For a few years, I felt I have not maximized my full potential both as a person and as a professional. I have grown so much but I feel that I have been stunted because of the limited opportunities in my home base. I have to anchor aweigh and look for a new mooring place. I have to stop being emotional.

My sudden announcement naturally stunned my core group. They accused me of being too harsh by deciding too soon without them being consulted. I explained that my decision did not come overnight; that I have long weighed things over before my life-changing decision. Actually, I have told a few in my closest circle and they approved of my plan even though they want me to stay because they also felt my absence. They regret my decision but wished me luck anyway. The only one who reacted violently was my former boss because she was caught off-guard by my short notice. Yes, I was at fault because I did not communicate to her my insecurities of not having a job. She thought I was okay because I look okay. I held my sanity despite my frustrations, heartaches and insecurities. I did not cry out loud despite the pain!

I left in haste to Manila because my mother did not want to see me so wasted. Above everybody else, it is Nanay who understand me inside out. I tell her everything about my plans, my dreams and my ambitions. She trusted all my decisions and supported me all the way. She knows I have a good judgment and did not question my decisions but guided me with her wisdom. Hers is wisdom at work. She is my symbol of courage. In my most trying times, she is an illumination. She is true to her name: Iluminada. Now, I start missing her.

After almost one year in the city, I have become more confident. I have adapted to a new environment and have proven to myself that there is no challenge too tough. I have conquered my fears and my apprehensions. I realize that I need not worry too much because I am guided by Devine Providence. My Faith saved me from all the desolations. Now I’m starting all over again. I’m starting to dream and plan anew. I am in a new chapter and the future looks bright if only I worked hard enough and trusts the hero in me.

My present job is very symbolic because this is a start of a new life for me. The confidence bestowed on me by my present employers boosted my self-esteem by believing that I can do it. My dreams are re-invigorated and I have a renewed faith in my self. I was in the crossroads and I am glad that I chose the least traveled road that now, I can sigh with relief.

When a leaf falls, a new bud will sprout. The will always prevails even when the situation is not very ideal. We only know our abilities when they are challenged. Life is anything but stagnant, so why should we be?

I have moved on!


October 18, 2004
4:23pm